Warning: You'll find very little profanity on this blog. However, the filter is off for this post. Apologies in advance.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh.
My.
God.
FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
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There was in fact never any smoke to clear. |
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20 years later, and the smartest company in the world creates a smoke detector that broadcasts the IoT equivalent of PC LOAD LETTER to your smart home, mobile app, and email. |
Michael Larabel of Phoronix recounts his similar experience here. He destroyed one with a sledgehammer, which might provide me with some catharsis when (not if, but when) this happens again.
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Michael Larabel of Phoronix destroyed his malfunctioning Nest Protect with a 20 lb sledgehammer, to silence the false alarm in the middle of the night |
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You can't be serious... |
- Ship working firmware.
- Recall faulty hardware.
- Refund the product.
- January 2015: I installed 5 Nest Protects: one in each of two kids' rooms, the master bedroom, the hallway, and the kitchen/living room
- February 2015: While on a business trip to, South Africa, I received notification via email and the Nest App that there was a smoke emergency at my home, half a world away, with my family in bed for the night. My wife called me immediately -- in the middle of the night in Texas. My heart raced. She assured me it was a false alarm, and that she had two screaming kids awake from the noise. I filed a support ticket with Nest (ref:_00D40Mlt9._50040jgU8y:ref) and tried to assure my wife that it was just a glitch and that I'd fix it when I got home.
- May 23, 2015: We thought it was funny enough to post to Facebook, "When Nest mistakes a diaper change for a fire, that's one impressive poop, kiddo!" Not so funny now.
- May 2015: In the comments of the aforementioned Facebook post, I learned about this poor guy's all-too-familiar experience https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpsMkLaEiOY
- August 9, 2015: I installed 2 more Nest Protects, in the guest bedroom and my office
- August 21, 2015, 11:26am: While on a flight home from another business, trip, I receive another set of daytime warnings about smoke in the house. Another false alarm.
- August 24, 2015, 12am: While asleep, I receive another 3 false alarms.
- August 25, 2015, 1am: Again, asleep, another false alarm. Different room, different unit. I'm fucking done with these.
Burning up but not on fire,
Update #1: I was contacted directly by email and over Twitter, by Nest's "Executive Relations", who offer to replace of all 7 of my "v1" Nest Protects with 7 new "v2" Nest Protects, at no charge. The new "v2" Protect reportedly has an improved design with better photoelectric detector that reduces false positives. I was initially inclined to try the new "v2" Protects, however, neither the mounting bracket nor the wiring harness are compatible from v1 to v2. So I would have to replace all of the brackets and redoing all of the wiring myself. I asked, but Nest would not cover the cost of a professional (re-)installation. At this point, as expressed my disappointment in this alternative, and I was offered a full refund, in 4-6 weeks time, after I return the 7 units. I've accepted this solution and will replace the Nest Protects with a simpler, more reliable traditional smoke detector.
Update #2: I suppose I should mention that I generally like my Nest Thermostat and (3) Dropcams. This blog post is really only complaining about the Titanic disaster that is the Nest Protect.